its been awhile since i did some thinking.
first off, im extremely sorry to my eyes.
they suffered greatly during my 3am and 6am mad rush.
blame maple? blame myself instead maybe.

it was maths test today. s&s and functions.
another letdown.

these few days has been exhausting for my head and heart. to which should i follow? go or not go for syf?

im super not bonded to this section. shiang's right. they are all from geco, except maureen. together with shiang, we feel pretty ostracised. he told me that he felt what i felt, when i ponned pracs during hols and he was there alone with the rest. he finally felt, and know why. its a happy thing we have a common understanding. but still, he says i should go for syf and heck care whatever the results may be. cos' it wont be our business to pick up the trash.
or the gwh.
head, or heart.

my passion... sometimes i wonder what those words truly mean to me. i like the choice piece. it has everything to make it a perfect song. quite nicely. but, i dont know, my mind has been arguing back and forth for a long time now. during the dec hols, the subconscious in me picked maple and sleep, over co pracs. so it was maybe not my fault. but it enabled shiang to understand what i feel. like what uncle kelvin said, the ripple effect.

and uncle kelvin talked quite alot to me. about various issues here and there. he shared some wisdom, as well as thoughts. probably, he's the only person to (almost) think and react in the same way as me, as well as (not forgetting) joan. alas, im the only non-literature person of the three self-thinking bunch of ppl. it may be a good thing im taking geog, its a fun subject, and i get a free A for all that work i put in. almost. im just almost there.

speaking of grades, im gonna bet PW should help me gain a free A. and i hope wenyi can get A too. let prayers do, though im not too religious, but i have no way to help anymore. now that PW is (and was) finally over on 4th nov 2008 for me. mmhm. gotta work hard.

the J1s came today, finally. the large bunch from nygh and hci. i wonder if life is going to swing me upside down and upright again. well not really the result of having juniors. more like my results will be my first concern. but anyway, cos' this batch was the one i had the most problems with. especially my juniors. the guys are... really kinda bearable and unbearable. although i have a few nice juniors yeah (:

fate is such an obscene thing. your life eats up whatever fate throws at you. just like pac-man eating up the round buttons, always moving forward, and never having a reverse movement. let us try to make these buttons nicer, at least. i want to improve my life. i seek help for econs and maths and my life. thanks to all who have been listening and/or helping me. i'm overwhelmingly grateful to those who have helped light up the candle when i was faced with only the starlight at night. now i know where nightmares come from.

well. just in case i'll be going away for a really long time... i may need someone to play these songs for my soul.
[final fantasy xii ost]
disc 01 track 03 - opening theme
disc 01 track 05 - boss battle
disc 02 track 02 - a flash of blades
disc 03 track 05 - fight to the death
disc 03 track 13 - clash on the big bridge
disc 04 tracks 12 to 18
[symphonic poem - hope]
play the entire album

i need to cool my entire self. soul, mind, body, spirit...
think. i'll get to my goals. i'll redeem myself.